- predicts that although Steve Jobs already died, in 2012 he will die again and it will be faster and better this time.
- predicts Charlie Sheen will make his comeback on a new hit show called "2 and Half Grams"
- will likely spend 2012 jobless, whiny, filthy and living with his parents at 43 King Street except it will be cool because he will refer to it as Occupy King Street.
- can't wait for Breaking Dawn Part 2 in 2012 as Bella and Edward get hunted down by Blade! Perhaps that's just wishful thinking...
- in 2012, I will be running in a 0.25 mile run in support of people with attention deficit disorder (aka Kardashin Dash)
- hopes in 2012 that peace will prevail and that we can live in a world where pigs and birds can live in harmony.
- is noticing that all my New Year resolutions basically come down to "Try to be somebody else".
- in 2012, every time I learn a new fact, I will bring it up in a conversation, and laugh at anyone who doesn't know it!
- When faced with a challenge in 2012... As yourself this one question... What would Phil Dunphy do?
- predicts Rebecca Black will release the sequel to her hit "Friday" entitled "Saturday".
Friday, February 10, 2012
Funny "2012 New Year Resolutions & Predictions" Facebook Status Updates
Funny Facebook Status Ideas
My children are quiet. They've either figured out how to play together nicely, or have killed each other.
is going crazy... wanna come?
I have a theory that the world would be a safer place if everyone were forced to take IQ tests and had to display their results as warnings to the population.
I wouldn't need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.
You're probably wondering why I gathered you all here. So am I.
Does chewing gum lose its flavor on the bed post overnight?
will be using the all knowing Magic 8 Ball to make all decisions today!
I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes
is going crazy... wanna come?
I have a theory that the world would be a safer place if everyone were forced to take IQ tests and had to display their results as warnings to the population.
I wouldn't need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.
You're probably wondering why I gathered you all here. So am I.
Does chewing gum lose its flavor on the bed post overnight?
will be using the all knowing Magic 8 Ball to make all decisions today!
I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes
Quotes for Facebook Status
Your existence has a new identity: FACEBOOK. There is certainly some inherent joy in spending time on facebook that has made it the most popular social networking website around the globe. After lots of requests and comments of friends, like - "dude, what are you doing? You're not on facebook? Duh". I finally registered myself on fb...err...facebook. Since then, somewhere, I'm...well, I can't say "addicted to fb"...but it is interesting, for sure. Surprisingly, now I own a farm, a huge army, I'm a soldier, I'm associated with an online writing team and many more feathers have been added to my cap (though only on facebook :-P). After it has been possible to use facebook through mobiles, I see many of my friends updating their "current mood" status, almost every half an hour. I tried to collect some cute quotes for facebook, and certainly after you read this write-up, you'll be able to know about several cool facebook status ideas. Without much ado, let's know about some quotes for facebook status.
Funny Facebook Status Messages
If you are looking for brightening up your dull day, then you have landed on the right page. This article is all about very funny Facebook status messages that have been written by real people. I am sure most of the people are aware of how to use Facebook. This makes it quite obvious that you know the meaning of Facebook status messages. So without going into the details of what is Facebook and how does it work, let us see some of the very funny Facebook status messages.
Funny Facebook Status Messages
♦ "Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't."
♦ "When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?."
♦ "You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
♦ "I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak."
♦ "...... feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes."
♦ "......... used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything."
♦ "....... says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
♦ "......... before you use the bathroom in someone's house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!"
♦ ".......... understands that hard work pays off in future but Laziness pays off now !"
♦ "............ Is Wondering.... If Money Doesn't Grow On Trees,, Then Why Do Banks Have Branches ?
♦ "............. wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...But suicide's a crime. "
♦ "......... I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep."
♦ "Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant."
♦ "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
♦ "... says One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions."
♦ ".... intends to go to Heaven for the climate and to Hell for the company."
♦ "....... is shout of the hour."
♦ "....... is currently out of her mind but please feel free to leave a message."
Funny Facebook Status Messages About Women
♦ "Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them."
♦ "Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart."
♦ "I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving me lately!"
♦ "I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty-second lover."
♦ "...... always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila."
♦ "Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married."
♦ "Take your troubles like a man. Blame them on your wife."
♦ "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet."
♦ "eat eat and eat....but don't eat my brain."
♦ "...... just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last."
♦ "Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning."
♦ "All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that's their own fault."
Funny Facebook Status Messages About Men
♦ "...makes the lie, invents want."
♦ "...shall be both dog and pony."
♦ "...is a red-blooded American male!"
♦ "...thinks God's gift to bachelors is that the juiciest gazelle is the easiest to catch."
♦ "........ is tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacac."
♦ "..... slept like a baby last night.... Waking up every 3 hours crying for food."
♦ "Be a man who takes the lead as opposed to one who follows. The minute you walk into a room assume the leaders status and you will find girls flocking towards you. Instead of suggesting what you think you should be doing just say what you all should do."
♦ "If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
♦ " Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."
♦ " There's this weird thing at my work where people are putting names on food in the fridge. I just ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin. "
♦ "Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them."
Funny Facebook Status Messages
♦ "Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't."
♦ "When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?."
♦ "You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
♦ "I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak."
♦ "...... feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes."
♦ "......... used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything."
♦ "....... says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
♦ "......... before you use the bathroom in someone's house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!"
♦ ".......... understands that hard work pays off in future but Laziness pays off now !"
♦ "............ Is Wondering.... If Money Doesn't Grow On Trees,, Then Why Do Banks Have Branches ?
♦ "............. wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...But suicide's a crime. "
♦ "......... I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep."
♦ "Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant."
♦ "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
♦ "... says One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions."
♦ ".... intends to go to Heaven for the climate and to Hell for the company."
♦ "....... is shout of the hour."
♦ "....... is currently out of her mind but please feel free to leave a message."
Funny Facebook Status Messages About Women
♦ "Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them."
♦ "Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart."
♦ "I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving me lately!"
♦ "I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty-second lover."
♦ "...... always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila."
♦ "Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married."
♦ "Take your troubles like a man. Blame them on your wife."
♦ "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet."
♦ "eat eat and eat....but don't eat my brain."
♦ "...... just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last."
♦ "Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning."
♦ "All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that's their own fault."
Funny Facebook Status Messages About Men
♦ "...makes the lie, invents want."
♦ "...shall be both dog and pony."
♦ "...is a red-blooded American male!"
♦ "...thinks God's gift to bachelors is that the juiciest gazelle is the easiest to catch."
♦ "........ is tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacac."
♦ "..... slept like a baby last night.... Waking up every 3 hours crying for food."
♦ "Be a man who takes the lead as opposed to one who follows. The minute you walk into a room assume the leaders status and you will find girls flocking towards you. Instead of suggesting what you think you should be doing just say what you all should do."
♦ "If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
♦ " Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."
♦ " There's this weird thing at my work where people are putting names on food in the fridge. I just ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin. "
♦ "Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them."
Facebook statuses I didn’t post
How many times have you drafted an update about your kids in your head but never actually sat down at your computer to type it? How many times have you typed an update—something cute or funny or gross involving your kid— but then deleted it before hitting post?
I’ve become so brainwashed by facebook that I pretty much always have a steady stream of updates flowing through my head so I definitely have to edit myself. But sometimes I wish there was a place to store those not-good-enough-for-prime-time thoughts. An overflow folder that we could visit from time to time and laugh. Or cringe. I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg is working on an outtakes page as we speak. In the meantime, let’s share our D-list thoughts here! I’ll go first. Here are some recent updates I thought about posting—but didn’t:
“Alex said he wants to grow up to be an Indian or a professional baseball player. Seems like a win-win to me.”
I’ve become so brainwashed by facebook that I pretty much always have a steady stream of updates flowing through my head so I definitely have to edit myself. But sometimes I wish there was a place to store those not-good-enough-for-prime-time thoughts. An overflow folder that we could visit from time to time and laugh. Or cringe. I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg is working on an outtakes page as we speak. In the meantime, let’s share our D-list thoughts here! I’ll go first. Here are some recent updates I thought about posting—but didn’t:
“Alex said he wants to grow up to be an Indian or a professional baseball player. Seems like a win-win to me.”
Short And Awesome Flirt Quotes for Facebook Status - 1
The only ONE(1) for(4) me is YOU(3) Flirtation=Attention without Intention.
The spaces between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine.
If nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?
Loving you is like breathing; How can I stop?
If nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?
A woman will flirt with anyone in the world as long as other people are looking on.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet but nothing compared to you.
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Roses are red, violets are Blue, Sugar is Sweet but nothing compared to U.
I hope your day is as radiant as your Smile.
The shortest word for me is I
The sweetest word for me is LOVE
My friend wants to know if you think I am hot
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
Beauty is power and a smile is its sword.
I get the best feeling in the world when you say HI or smile at me, because I know that even for a second that I've crossed your mind.
Every morning I wake up happy because I know I will see you.
Every night I go home crying because I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see you again.
Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?
Best Facebook Status Ideas
A bunch of Cute Status Ideas
If you've run out of ideas for your Facebook status - please check us out for cute statuses, silly, cheese status ideas, dating and relationship statuses plus everything in between! That would mean statuses for caffeine fiends to cute life quotes and squirrels.
- A round up of our most popular love statuses on Best Facebook Status Ideas. When you're in like or love - don't you just want to status it out!
- Best Facebook Statuses
- A round up of cute Facebook status ideas when you're stumped but you still wanna be cute.
- Best Facebook quotes
- Need some cute inspiration? Check out these cute life quotes for your next Facebook status idea.
- Silly statuses for Facebook
- Who you calling silly? Facebook statuses don't always need to be melodramatic or an update on your every move. Get silly!
- Cute Halloween Status Ideas
- It's never too early for Halloween! Visit these posts for fun Halloween Facebook statuses.
- Cute Caffeine Status Ideas
- Coffee and Facebook should go hand in hand don't you think? No pun intended. Please chedk out these chapters of Caffeine statuses for your next Facebook status idea!
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